them
i am most inspired by the
only ones
the day-to-day and nothing
special
lonely ones
on the trains their waytowork
and one more time
fallen somewhere back behind
quiet still and deep between
the cracks
no one noticed
the artists too
they call me quick to dream and doubt and
long and pain
in far beyond and deep
beneath
they sing and screech and claw and make their brushes clash and burn
against the moment
they muck around the sacred darkness of their own
demise
over and over and over and again once more and always
new beyond what tells us has it been
they call me out
they stab me swift and clean and holy shit
they make me
wonder
wild and raging pure
and who inspire me not
at all
not one bit small
who revile and disgust me
the politicians
all
when all the inordertos are gone
and all the whys and fors
have gone the way of
the last because
the allthatsleft
will be
to be
them
the way they walk
the how they hold their cigarettes
the way their belts hang low
and just below that patch of skin
that peeks below their tight worn t’s
for one
just one
to glance my way and fix his gaze
to tell me
say
it’s you
i want
mother’s day
numb with want
and traipsing through
to find what i can’t have
i listen to the mother’s day
the somewhere far away the day
that mothers close would spend
trains with flowers
bags with bows and almostthere
places warm with home
that i can only watch
and wonder
why
with me
and when we have finished our lovemaking
our mad, passionate lovemaking
i will not comb my hair
i will leave it wild
the wild that you called it as you brushed it from my face to kiss my eyes
and i will not shower
i will leave myself exactly as you left me
i will leave you on me
i will take you with me
breathing you in as i walk
smelling you, remembering you
and from time to time, reaching my tongue down and tasting you on my bare
shoulder
no one will see you as i walk through my late afternoon
but you will be there
in the fabric of my clothes
in the pores of my skin
and in that place in my heart that your most tender kisses reach
there
you will be
here
with me
rainy
the work i do must wake
the fringe
make the cringes
wide and far beyond their first
disruption how
i wonder
will he be my lover
will he stay the longenough to be
not just
extraordinary human being
i came into this world like all others
and will leave much the same
in my time in between
i will shine
shimmer
gleam
for i am
an extraordinary human being
i am not like the others
i am like them all
like you
and like the mother who cradles her child
so perfect
so flawed
i embrace them
their pain
their joy
their day-to-day despair
and always in them i will find myself
for i am
an extraordinary human being
i awake each day
an ordinary man
one more in a world already full
and in my day
that one more day
a moment arises
born of courage
for no reason
like no other
and in that moment
that magic moment
i give life
i am born
i create myself
as my word
as a world
a world of creation
where all is possible
a world that works for everyone with no one and nothing left out
a world in which i am
and you are
extraordinary
human beings
to love
i want to love
like i loved
my mother
long ago
openly
fearlessly
unconditionally
without concern
before i knew
that i was not enough
that there was something wrong
with me
i want to love
like I loved
my mother
long ago
many
so many men i’ve fucked
and loved so very few
just so many cocks and balls
in different rooms
with different pictures on the walls
and traded yes i would them all
to have been loved by one like you
rain check
he offered me one night
his ass
i wasn’t really in the mood
so i politely took a pass
if only i had known back then
that he was soon to be my ex
that that was to be our last sex
i would have fucked his brains out
godless
fuck them
the synchophants of misery
illusionists of truths untold and lies redressed
in sunday best
the preachers speak their veiled and venomed creeds of hate
to keep me down
to make me wait
for what they say will be the day when i can be with god
their god they say that rues the day that i was born
for i the sinner
go the way
to hell’s swift fire
no need to pray
so let me simply count the days
the endless endless endless days
until i can at last expire
my soul
my soul
it is a tortured one
it knows no peace
just longing and regret
and so my friend
i’ll simply have
another cup of coffee
and another cigarette
a.m.
empty times
the simple rhymes that pass my head
it all seems so so far away
as morning’s nevernnothingnew
does rise and fill the morning till
and lays its head upon me
eighteen
i had me a boy, a boy named darnel
god i forgot what it was like to be eighteen
so young, so sweet, so sweet the meat
of a beautiful black boy named darnel
his tight firm body, smooth as silk, chocolate milk
his beautiful cock, so thick and hard
mmm, even after he shot down my throat
oh yes i did swallow
it stayed so hard, so big and hard
so big I had trouble getting it on
but get it on I did, a labor of lust
oh god it’s so tight, please don’t let it bust
and when he said i would be his first fuck
oooh, i wanted him in me even more
take me, take me, my stud, my mandingo
plow me like the fields of your ancestors
make me beg you to stop
but you’d better not
‘cause tonight, no means yes, yes!, yes!!, yes!!! yes!!!!
and when you’ve spilled your seed
stay on me, don’t roll off, please don’t take it out
leave it in, and for those last sweet moments
let me savor you, hold you, drink you in
feel your heart pound down on me, into me, through me
lifting your head from my heaving chest
our lips meet
pressing hard, tongue to tongue
as you whisper, my beauty, in tones warm and wet
“get ready, my sweet
my sweet white meat
‘cause i’m not done
i’m not done with you yet”
notherday
when youth is gone
and promise too
and morning brings just one more day
and one more thing to do
when all that’s left is hope
and hope is all but gone
and winter wraps around your heart
and lingers on and on
the summer doesn’t come
the way it did before
and dreams once new and so alive
now crumbled broken in the tide
lap spent against the shore
and lonely comes
your only friend
and on the train
the bitter end
seems not so bitter now
and all the lovers come and gone
they pass in silence
one by one
and beckon back
to once the day
when happiness
was just another kiss away
when love grows dim
and slowly dies
and somewhere off
a lover cries
but not for you
you climb the stairs
and wonder where
the time has gotten off to
and wonder when
when did it end
and all you feel is old
you turn the key
and push the door
and wish for something
something more
than all there is
you smoke another cigarette
the one you promised not to
and look around at all the mess
that still you haven’t got to
and so it ends
another day
when time got spent
enough to pay
for just another
notherday
pastime
i masturbate the time away
i don’t have a television
two-seater
whoosh
the door opened
in he flew and shot down beside me
close and tight
in one of those small two-seaters at the end of the car
his hair was curly
sweet soft brown in short tossled waves
smallish nose and brown button eyes
thick hikerboy fingers with nails rough cropped short
holding an ice cream cone
a boy out at play
cute
very cute
in that scrappy shortstop kind of way
licking the cone with boyish doesn’tcarewho’swatching abandon
the occasion drop of white falling between his thighs
firm and tightly wrapped in well worn denim
spread below the book held open with his other hand
as the train lumbered down the tracks
his arm
taut lean and finely tanned
busting from the soft blueness of his short-sleeved cotton t
it brushed against me
that sweet sweet arm
brushed against me
into me
was it me
or did he linger just a bit too long
i liked the feel of him pressing into me
glancing over
i watched him eat
licking the ball away to nothing
he slid the brown sugar cone
slowly
methodically
in and out of his mouth
then pulled it from his lips
tonguing the white cream from its soft brown shell
then swirling his tongue back into the cone
all the while reading
his body pressing against me
as the car grinds beneath us
my breath quickening
him
never looking up
completely unaware of his effect
on the man beside him
in the tight two-seater
lorimer avenue
his stop
he goes
as fast as he had come
whoosh
take me
he will be dark
on the edge
full of danger and wanton ways
with that indefinable something you can never be
quite sure of
that always keeps you on your toes and never quite at ease
a tender shyness that belies him
seductive
like no other
he will draw me
in
and paint my life with brushes raw and fiery red
bad news
my friends will say
fuck you
and thanks for caring
haha
take me down
take me in
take me over
rip my heart from its safe mooring
make it bleed and dance
and rue the day we met
the spectacle
spectacular
take me
their world
descending the stairs, i hear them
car horns and cat calls
muffled rantings
the booming bass of over-amplified gangsta rap
looming
ominous
impending
as the front door veers toward me, my upper back stiffens
my jaw becomes rigid
my heart quickens
reaching for the knob, i draw my breath and hold it
there, in my last moment of determined readiness, i pause
in one swift move, i turn the knob, put my weight to the door and step out
OUT!
into their world
BANG!
into their world
SMACK!
into their world
their world of smack
of crack
of black
their world of bro’s and ho’s
of “slap yo bitches up” and “hey muthafucka’s”
where the only good faggot is a dead faggot
and i am there
bare
square
in their world
out, loud and scared
for here i am the enemy
i am the big white faggot who lives upstairs
just two floors
above
their world
i am the man in the black eyeliner with the red knapsack and the platform shoes
that they hate
that they watch
that they watch for
to hate
i move through them
their steely eyes upon me
i walk swiftly
and as like them as i can
trying my best to be invisible
to be not there
to somehow disappear into the cold, gray pavement
of the sidewalk of my home
my home
that sits
in their world
i try not to hear
to insulate myself
to keep the voices
the voices of their world
that pelt like gunfire
to keep those voices vague and impersonal
to somehow amplify my inner voice to such a pitch
high and shrill enough to overscream their screams and tauntings
“woo woo”
(whistle)
“hey faggot!”
“HO-MO!”
just keep walking
i tell myself, my one and only friend
my one and lonely friend
my self
just keep walking
and in the fear-soaked silence
when our eyes do chance to meet
i look at them
and them at me
we do not see each other
but only what we see
and when the jeering is at last behind me, and i have turned the bend
i once again begin to breathe
and come back into my body
where i now feel the cramped constriction of my muscles
tensed for battle
and the tautness of my face
i hear them in the distance
as I heard when I passed through
oh yes, i did hear
every word
every degradation
every deadly dehumanizing inflection
i am saddened
to the bone
for i know
they do not hate me
not really
not really me
they simply hate
and i hate
not them
but the world
the world that has made them
hate
that has steeled me in response to that hate
the world that has made us enemies
without ever asking
their world
our world
my world
fragile
the unadoring
of a total stranger
can make me question
everything
one night stand
joined by beauty
pecs, shoulders, the inviting smile
a pact made in silence
your place or mine
the sex is good
i lucked out – a big, thick dick
he even likes to kiss – on the lips
and he keeps his eyes open and watches while i have him
i like him – a lot
i want him to like me
i want this to be our first
not our last
we both come
he caresses my leg as i run my tongue along the sweetness of his neck
and i hope like a schoolboy that he asks me to stay
to hear him say he wants me to spend the night
that he wants to wake up in my arms
and do it again
with me
only me
us
i love words
they never ask me where i’ve been
or why i haven’t checked my e-mails
i love how they just are
still and soft and bestoffriends
they sit there right beside me
for when the next that moment
next
the to be magic made
they come to me and i to them
they laugh and dance and cry and all for
what who knows
we only know that snuggled close
we are
and meant to be
fuckhead asshole
why didn’t you call
you got no balls
you treat me like a piece of shit
i want to find you
hunt you down in the night like the dirty damn dog you are
and blow your pathetic ass away
how sweet it would be
how deliciously sweet
to stalk you
threaten you
terrorize you
torture you
make you pay, you spineless fuck
that night we spent together
how cute you said i was
my hairy chest
you liked it best
you sucked my dick and called it sweet
and now you leave me here alone
on friday night to beat my meat
you’re not the first
and certainly not the worst
to fuck me over, buddy-boy
to promise things you’d never do
to lie and hide and when confronted be so fucking justified
why, you’re just another fuckhead asshole with a nice face and a big dick
what did I ever do to you?
all you had to say was “bye”
but no, not that, you said instead
the words I have now come to dread
“i’d love to see you again. call me tomorrow.”
and sometime between 4 a.m. when i leave your bed and the next day when i call
your other personality takes over
the dickbrain, the scumbag
the inconsiderate, too busy, can’t make any plans dipshit
so here i lay
cock in hand
banging away to a magazine
hating your guts
wishing you dead
as my cum rushes up from the base to the head
this one’s for you, asshole
eat it and weep
you missed a damn good thing
you no-good, worthless piece of meat
go fuck yourself
or better yet, fuck me
you have my number
and baby, do I ever have yours
blazen
i want to
be strangely
famous not
on track and right
dead fucking
center
cum.com
smooth or hairy
top or bottom
buffed or thin
out or in
stats
how tall
how old
and when the questions get more bold
how thick
how long
i play along
welcome to the chat room
type right up
a place where men semi-tragical
can transform
why it’s magical
this is the land where all interaction is pure interactive
where everyone instantly becomes real attractive
all the guys here are studs
tan, buff and young
adonises all
did i mention well hung
where men who are married are suddenly single
just a stroke of the keys and you’re ready to mingle
you need only to type
to become any type
of boy toy, companion or suitor
it’s easy
it’s fun
why you can be anyone
gentlemen, start your computers
what are you wearing
boxers or briefs
are you hard
oh me too
and i need some relief
what are you into?
you like to kiss
cool me too
it’s my fave
makes me hot
makes me crazy for you
i’m a top and a bottom
depending on the guy
like to suck
like to fuck
i’m flexible
not shy
i want you so bad
i wish i was there
i’d get on my knees
while you banged those keys
and banged my face
please
and not till i’m done would i come up for air
and what would you do
suck my tits
wow, i love that
make them real hard
your tongue feels so hot
now bite them
that’s right
show me what you got
do you have a nice ass
great
do you like getting rimmed
yay, i can’t wait
i’ll lay on my back
now lower that butt right down on my face
yeah that’s right
ooh, you’re so tight
i could lay here and lick you like this all damn night
you like that stud
mmmm, i knew you would
now bend over
take my big dick
suck me baby
suck it good
are you close
ah, me too
come on let me have it
all over my chest
i done cyber before
baby, you are the best
aw come on
oh yeah
i’m gonna explode
oh baby
here it comes
gonna shoot my big load
ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
wow, that was awesome
you were great
what a stud
now i’ll lay in your arms
and bask in the glow of your virtual charms
feel your soft and sweet caress
hey gotta run
babe, been way fun
time for me to clean up this mess
kiss
kiss
later
all i
in the morning
bright with dawn
when all i desire is the peck of a kiss
the weight of his arm across my chest
and the smell of coffee brewing
sweet
he slid him
self across me
and
d
o
w
n me
cocksucker rap
oh baby baby
yo man
that’s me
what i am
i am yo man
yo man cunt
yo slut
yo whore
come fuck me
right here
no no
not the rear
it’s my face you be fucking
i be dying
i be crying
for that big piece of meat
just hangs there so sweet
begging, aching for my fine, fine sucking
i am the expert
the king
the elvis of cock
i’m da bomb
masta kong
here to swallow your skyscraper
empire state dong
whip it out
make it hard
slap my sweet face up
bitch
glide it on in
through my shit eating grin
till your balls hit my chin
yeah, baby you go
hit that spot
scratch my itch
now ride me
that’s right
pump it deep
hump me hard
make me moan
make me squeal
make my eyes water too
while i spread your sweet cheeks and i fingerfuck you
ooh yeah
faster, faster, pussycat
drill, drill
you’re so big
you’re so beautiful
oh, you’re so close
to unloading that bucket of jizz
i can tell
feel your dick swell
and, might i add
what a delightfully swell dick it is
come on baby
shoot your big load
the mother load
so thick
luscious
juicy
white hot
give my throat your sweet blast
while i grab tight your ass
and hold on for dear life
so i don’t miss a drop
and when you are through
i will keep my lips tender
and so kissing sweet
wrapped around your fine member
to savor
the flavor
of your softening meat
till at last
not so fast
i let your dick go
now go dick
that’s right
see dick run
goodnight
erotica
i am erotica
i am erotic
i am psychotic
i am bubotic
the plague your mother warned you about
i will fuck you up
the ass
i will make you lose
your mind
and when you least expect it, i will come in
your mouth
don’t be afraid
you’re in no danger
yet
i only hurt the ones i love
i only fuck the ones i don’t
so lay back my boy
close your eyes
yes, enjoy
for the time of your life
you will never forget
i’m the tunnel of lust
the funhouse of flesh
the tilt-a-whirl of titillation
the coaster with the moster
i am here as your host
sir
to provide
you a ride
of unbridled passion
obsession
unearthly delight
so climb right on in
for your evening of sin
let the party begin
now, unfasten your belt
it’s going to be a bumpy night
so in love
he lay upon my floor
and as i watch him
sleeping
deeply
i am so in love
he told me just today
his plan
to move away
not stay
as I had hoped he would
for i am so in love
that it was something we discussed
does lessen not the pain
the ache
the hollow empty sad refrain
within my heart
i feel it break
for i am so in love
i wish that i could have him stay
i wish that i could hear him say
that in his heart he does now see
that where for him there is to be
is one place only
here
with me
for he is so in love
i wait for him to wake
i long to kiss him and to take
him in my arms once more
to let him know
if he must go
that i will miss him ever so
for i am so in love
if
started smoking
once again
if i can’t have you
i’ll have these ten
here
i am not over him
i am not over any of them
for all my loves burn still within this aching heart
and for those wise well-meaning and so smart
who tell of getting on with life and love
i pity them
that they know love as only something come and gone
its madness sweet to leave behind and move along
they do not know the love I know
and cannot know its pain
and so i’ll let them move along
and i will here remain
in love
shit
he didn’t call
bastard
what the fuck
incredible ass
the way it swung back and forth
in those low low jeans
with the big thick silver belt
hugging those hips
so tight
took my shot
shot my load
walking right up and giving
that stranger with the amazing ass
my number
and he called
sure
let’s go out
you have my number now
yep
right in my cell
3 days
5 calls
5 incredible messages
later
no call
shit
men
men
blow jobs and disappointment
that’s about it
low
jeans low
way low
top of my tight whities
show
just so
into my day
hips
swing and sway
so sexy
they say
mmm mmm
watch me go
our song
our song of love forever
silenced with a word
it sings of times together
in solitude now heard
boys in the night
they come to me
my boys in the night
cocky with youth
and youthfully cocked
hot, hard and horny
to me they do come
and oh how they come
in gobs and gobs and glorious gobs
on me, in me, beside me, down me
and on those most special of special occasions
right over me
those hard, thick fountains
fountains of youth
erect, throbbing, exploding
shooting their magnificent thick loads of
luscious, post-pubescent nectar
and those asses
ah, those incredible asses
tight as drums
hard as ball bearings
begging to be kneaded
like bread
needing to be spread
like butter
kissed, licked and tongued
hard, long and deep
for hours
and hours
until in my arms
exhausted they fall
spent
fast to sleep
nothin’ says good morning
like that sweet smell of just-turned-twenty flesh
legal, but barely
old enough to vote, but still too young to drink
i am intoxicated, drunk with lust
awash in the stiff pungency of last night’s sex that still hangs brazenly in the air
i smell them in my sheets
i taste them in my coffee
and as i bury my face deep in the softness of my pillow
i breathe them in, i savor the scent
their sweet, sweet bouquet
remembrance of those fleeting moments past
magic moments passed
gloriously spent
with them
my precious
my delicious
boys in the night
empty
tonight i was cheap
not the high priced spread
he came
and left
not even an hour
and when i came back from the bathroom
he was already getting dressed
baggy boxers
wait
not yet
i didn’t come
at least let me watch you
naked
while i jack off
ok
he said
and laid beside me
watching
it was my due
at least to come
since there would be no feeling
can i kiss you
no
he said
i don’t kiss after i come
i lose all desire
interesting
yes
he said
i usually go with girls
oh
oh
and does he have a girlfriend
someone waiting
there
from where he came
before he came
alone
i didn’t want to know
i didn’t ask
it was already
empty
mother
she makes me mad
a madness deep and without time
she bore me
she bores me
she makes my wrist go limp
but taut enough to slit
the lessons taught again and evermore
from lips like serpent’s tongue
the venom spews with such cool ease
a word
a hint displeasured in the air
a breath taken that only as she can just so take
and like an avalanche unleashed
the unsuspecting all that came before
wounds and scabs long hardened over hopeful heart that breaks with day
awakened once again
to bleed and cover life with death’s despair
will ever time pass by enough
to temper rages lit with sparks
that fuel the everthere unsaid
a mother’s love
a mother’s hate
now left to wind its twisted path
corroded fate
through all that i may see or touch
i hate you
you have ruined me
and guilt and sadness breathe me into days and nights
where your pain is now mine
to have
endure
and only in the best of times that i now mark as happiness
to somehow for a time
forget
and knowing all the while
the lie
can i go now
can i forgive myself for what i didn’t do
but have not had the wherewithal to put asunder
can my heart now be set to sing its own sweet song
no longer scarred by years and tears of bitter jagged-edged remarks
and can i learn to be myself and not my mother’s son
no blame to fall
no penance tall to pay
just silence
still soft silence
peace
within
without
the fractured tale of love
with her
with you
my first true love
mother
today
today
no sex
well not since 5am
no pleasures of the fleeting flesh
no tingles of the newness
as the door swings wide to let him in
and wonder of that what will come
as both we climb the stairs
the stillness of the kiss
for those that love it such as i
if not
the hardened heat
as to his knees he drops
and loosens buckle zipper snap
and springs me free
for tasting sweet
no twinges
could this be for more
and not just once
this once
again
the search
that calls them here and gone
that puts me always back
to where i was
so long ago
muse
be my muse
my inspiration
for love
in all its vile
ecstatic
and tortured ways
let me love you
still
and burn your beauty
hot
beneath the skin
of woe and expectation
lost for not a second
will we be
steaming
firey blaze of lust and soul
revealed
stolen from its embered wings
be with me
the revolution
i will revolutionize
you
adore me
whore me
anything but bore me
unchained
unleashed
fuck yeah
let’s go